some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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