come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
