I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
