the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
