Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
