I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
