so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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