1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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