I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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