Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
