New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
