i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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