Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
