you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
