K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but sheβll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize