I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Someone shattered a urinal.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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