I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
