absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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