Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
COCAINE IS GR8
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
