bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
