he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
