remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Holy sore nipples Batman
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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