don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
