i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
