I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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