She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
