Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Randomize
