guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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