i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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