It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
