i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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