Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
