I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
