ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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