So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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