His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize