hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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