i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
