someone owes me an orgasm
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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