i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
