defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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