I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize