I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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