i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Randomize
