Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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