I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize