Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
