I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
