His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize