I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
