yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
