There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
