don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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