Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
