I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
