My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
