I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
