He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
