why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
