I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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