oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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