I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize