Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
