none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize