just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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