I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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